Hope to cope with the golden chain

Dear Mr Magic,

Alas, we both must return, to the matrix world of cars and cities. To re-join the land of lost souls, compromises and negativity, shining our little bulbs. Is it possible to stay alight, when light shines into the darkness; shedding? I am back for two months, and I feel it, I’m dimming.  

Open by nature, and sensitive. And with this newfound clarity, with the memory of the privilege of living the last months in Nicaragua surrounded by the most ideal of environments, in comparison I am now faced with a cold and hard reality. Maybe I’m not yet capable of being healthy in this environment. Maybe I am not strong enough to resist the energy of those around me. Test time has come and the path to passing is not clear. I feel stretched, cornered, pushed to breaking. I can see all the ugliness, am more affected by it than ever before. And more motivated to help others too! But at work I am working harder, too hard to stay on top of my life, no longer overflowing to be able to give to others. And I have a dream, and a constructive process to follow, but I don’t know if I can stay strong enough to make this money to make a positive change in the world. These are my fears, as well as some psychological troubles haunting me from my childhood & past – bubbling to the surface in this stressed and cracked state.

But, dear magic, giving up is not an option. And neither is forgetting. I can’t learn what I now know just to forget. Such beautiful things cannot be hidden; such passion can not be suppressed. And every day I appreciate how much has changed, life is much fuller, there are many more ‘now’ moments, the priorities have changed. Distractions which once blinded me no longer have hold. And for this I am grateful. The creativity has remained, and it is something I will make time for. It is a gift, to have back this child-like creativity and ability to dream. There are no limits, which I will not forget.

So I thank you, for giving me an opportunity to write these words. Because the memory of your beautiful essence helped me to explore the depths, and has inspired me to appreciation, and to continue loving despite this difficult road.

I know what I need to do – yoga every day, meditation, avoid the social media distraction, to make time to create, to appreciate and learn, to be surrounded by pure energy. I start today, and I will continue the discipline.

It strikes me how beautiful life is, that writing this letter to you now, months after we met each other and left, feels like the very thing that will save me.

Stay strong Mr Magic Man, I hope many others may be lucky to be deeply touched by you as I have been